I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
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