somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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