Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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