Umm I'm too high to move.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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