He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize