i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
