I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize