In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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