Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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