A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize