So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize