I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize