we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
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His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
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Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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