There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize