I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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