We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
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the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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