I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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