he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
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The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
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Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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