i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize