do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
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