Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
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She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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