NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
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I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
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I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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