I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
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No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
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I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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