ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
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I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
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17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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