Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
These tits shall not be calmed
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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