I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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