I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
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Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
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WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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