I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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