I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
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