By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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