remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize