You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
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I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
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He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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