I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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