We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize