honey bunches of taint.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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