Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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