he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
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