Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
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Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
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He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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