the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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