apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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