this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize