He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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