Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
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He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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