Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(845): View more from New York

so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....

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(847): View more from Illinois

Do vagina's smell?

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(206): View more from Washington

And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny

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(716): View more from New York

Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.

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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Read it at the TFLN blog
(915): View more from Texas

like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.

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(616): View more from Michigan

The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.

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(218): View more from Minnesota

Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember

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