Pants 0. Shit 1.
you traded sex for a burrito?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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