just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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