u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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