if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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