Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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