you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
